Wednesday, May 13, 2009
You are reading from the book: The Language of Letting Go

Property Lines

A helpful tool in our recovery, especially in the behavior we call
detachment, is learning to identify who owns what. Then we let
each person own and possess his or her rightful property.

If another person has an addiction, a problem, a feeling, or a
self-defeating behavior, that is their property, not ours. If
someone is a martyr, immersed in negativity, controlling, or
manipulative behavior, that is their issue, not ours.

If someone has acted and experienced a particular consequence,
both the behavior and the consequence belong to that person.

If someone is in denial or cannot think clearly on a particular
issue, that confusion belongs to him or her.

If someone has a limited or impaired ability to love or care, that
is his or her property, not ours. If someone has no approval or
nurturing to give away, that is that person's property.

People's lies, deceptions, tricks, manipulations, abusive behaviors,
inappropriate behaviors, cheating behaviors, and tacky behaviors
belong to them, too. Not us.

People's hope and dreams are their property. Their guilt belongs
to them too. Their happiness or misery is also theirs. So are their
beliefs and messages.

If some people don't like themselves, that is their choice. Other
people's choices are their property, not ours.

What people choose to say and do is their business.

What is our property? Our property includes our behaviors,
problems, feelings, happiness, misery, choices, and messages;
our ability to love, care, and nurture; our thoughts, our denial,
our hopes and dreams for ourselves. Whether we allow ourselves
to be controlled, manipulated, deceived, or mistreated is our
business.

In recovery, we learn an appropriate sense of ownership. If
something isn't ours, we don't take it. If we take it, we learn to
give it back. Let other people have their property, and learn to
own and take good care of what's ours.

Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to
me, and what doesn't. If it's not mine, I won't keep it. I will deal
with my issues, my responsibilities, and myself. I will take my hands
off what is not mine.